Mornings

A tear falls; she hopes that no one hears the squeaks she makes from trying to hold them in. She gasps for air; wishing it would be the last breath she’d ever take. She can’t stand this, she tells herself. She wants to give up. She feels so lost, so abandoned. She wish someone cloud find here, and make all this pain disappear. But nobody ever will; nobody wants too she tells her self. “Why me?” she asks herself trying not to cry.

She wakes up the next morning not remembering falling asleep. She looks at her phone, its 5:30am. “Shit”, she says to herself, “My bus comes in a half hour”. She removes the warm sheets she is entangled in and sees spots of blood on them, but pays no attention to them.

She walks outside muddled. As the cold wind hits her face it makes her whole body shake. She digs in her purse for her bus pass and MP3player and then shoves them in her hoodie pocket.

When she arrives at her bus stop she puts on her head phones and turns on her music. A techno remix that her and her friend made came on. “Ugg, I hate this song, it’s too happy” she thinks as she changes the song to something more suitable for her mood.

“Where the heck is the bus at, the streetlights already stopped flashing” she thinks to herself. She looks at the road and looks at how empty and dead it is. Then she sees the bus coming around the bend.

The bus pulls up to her stop and opens the door. The other lady at her stop gets on first and always has to have an hour long conversation with the bus driver.

She shows the driver her pass and he gives her that “good morning, what a lovely day it is” smile. She rolls her eyes in disgust. As she walks to the back of the bus she sees that her favorite seat is available. “Thank God something good happened today” she thinks to herself. 

She tunes out during the bus ride. And tunes back in a stop before hers. She gets off the bus and the blistering cold wind hits her face again. “God, I wish I would have worn a warmer jacket” she thinks trying not to think about what hell this school day will bring.

She walks across the streets, not caring weather someone hits her or not. In the back of her mind she prays that someone does so they can put her out of her misery.

She walks into school and all these thoughts enter her mind of what will happen that day. She hopes for the best, but we all know that ‘the best’ will never come at that place.

It’s only 6:20. That means that she has at least 5 or 10 minutes in silence. “I wish nobody would come to school today, and then they will send me home after my parents left” she thought to herself. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen, nor will it ever. It slightly saddens her.

“Great, some ones here” she mumbles. It’s her ‘ex’ if you can even classify him as that. He should hate her guts, but for some odd reason they get along perfectly fine. God how she wished he hated her.

Then a few more people come. No one interesting, just a lot of people she hates. Then her friend comes. He usually has that “I hate life” emo look on his face and is usually listening to punk or some band that she got him hooked on.

He cool, sometimes he can be a total drama queen, but that’s why he’s such awesome person.


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I quit writing, I might pick up where I left off one day, but this was from my live journal back in 2008, so it may be a tad hard for me to finish with the same emotions and thought process.