Lost Love

Have you ever fallen in love? Not lust, not like, but love. Where your heart skips beats and feels like it is going to explode out of your body. Where all you do is smile, no matter how shitty you truly are feeling. Where you don't have a care in the world, other than your love. Your head spins and you get that warm fuzzy feeling. Where everything is just perfect. I have, and I must say, it is one of the most amazing sensations in the universe. Everyone should experience a pure love such as this at least once in their pathetic, self loathing, ignorant life. It's a humans god given right to be so, so, ecstatically intoxicated with the purest emotion to ever exist on this hell forsaken planet.

I met the love of my life about four years ago, through my friend Adam. They were really close, undeniably better than best friends; they completed one another. I still remember that day. It was mid March, but it was as cold as January. The air was piercing my skin every time there was the slightest gust of wind, but it was worth it. I would have walked miles during the worse imaginable blizzard for him.

When we met it was truly amazing. I never wanted to spend a second away from him, I wanted him to always be a part of my life, and he was. The first time I touched him I felt like I was melting, as if there was a little heater inside of me making my whole body warm and fuzzy. My head was spinning and I felt a knot in my stomach, like I was about to throw up. I went weak at the knees and didn't think that I was able to stand. It was so surreal, so fabricated, so weird, I loved it. I couldn't even begin to comprehend how I was feeling, it was purely magical. All I knew was that this was the most amazing feeling in the world and I never wanted it to end; this was true love.

After I met him I was hooked on the feelings he left me with. He was all I could think about and all I wanted to think about, dreaming of the next time we would meet. Without him seconds felt like hours and hours felt like days. I wanted him, needed him. It was if I finally found my soul mate, he made me feel whole for the first time in my life.

I couldn't take being with out him for a moment longer. I called up Adam and told him to bring him over to my place. I was getting antsy, it seemed just as if it took an eternity for them to arrive. When they finally did I couldn't contain my excitement. I don't recall ever being as excited as I was at that exact moment. I couldn't wait to be reunited with him once again, to feel the feelings he filled me with the day we met. His smell was purely intoxicating, just on that alone the feeling began to come flooding back to me. That joy, that pleasure, that pure and unadulterated ecstasy he left me with. I could feel him in my heart, I needed him to be mine, and I would stop at absolutely nothing to have him. Despite how early it is in our relationship, I would kill for him. He has already become my everything, he consumed me from the moment we met.

Over time we started seeing each other on a regular basis, seemingly, I needed him to survive. The more we were together the more I feel in love with him. Eventually, we got so close we didn't need Adam with us. It was just me and him against the world. On days I didn't get to see him I got so depressed and upset that I was sick to the stomach. I needed him in my life, he truly did complete me, I was worthless with out him. If only he could move in with me, live with me forever, never leave. That's all I wanted. That's all I needed. Him, and only him.

I began to become so engrossed by him I started to push away everyone around me. I didn't need friends any more, I just needed him. He was all I wanted. I was never happier in my life than I was with him. Naturally, my friends and family started to get concerned with the fact that I devoted all of my time to him. I isolated myself from the rest of the world. And I didn't care, I was completely and utterly captivated by him and the feelings he left me with. I couldn't endure more than a few hours with out him being with me. Our relationship was becoming both extraordinary and tortuous.

As the days went by I found myself spending nearly every waking moment of my life with him. I got to the point where I started to see him every hour, on the hour, with an exception of when I was sleeping of course. No matter where I was or what I was doing, I needed him. If I was at work, with friends, or with my family, I would sneak off to the bathroom just so we could spend some time together. He was starting to control me and nearly ever aspect of my life.

But the more tine we spent, the more he started to gain control of me. He was effecting my energy, my sleep, my diet, my money, my relationships with other people, everything. It was as if I was no longer myself, I have become a completely different person. I was nothing more than a worthless drone being controlled by him and I was at the point where I literally could not function with out him. I couldn't even get out of bed in the morning unless I got to wake up with him. I was so pathetic, but I loved it, and even worse, I couldn't control my feeling for him any more. Even when I didn't want to be with him I needed to be. It was almost if he wanted me more than I wanted him.

There was a point where, because of him, I ended up in the hospital. He was ultimately destroying my life, killing me. Turns out he literally did make my heart skip a beat. It skipped a few actually, enough to make me loose consciousness. He almost killed me. Luckily, that day Adam was with us. If it wasn't for him, I would be dead.

I remember Adam freaking out, crying. I was trying to ask what was wrong, but nothing came out. He couldn't hear me. I remember him screaming at my love, calling him all kinds of names. "No, Adam! I'm fine! I'm okay!" I tried to say, but he didn't hear me. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't. The world was fading away, I knew my time had come. But I wasn't scared, you'd assume someone in my position would be freaking out like someone would be laying on their death bed knowing they only have a little time left. But not me. It was just so relaxing and peaceful. So I did what my body wanted me to do and closed my eyes so I could fall asleep and leave this horrid world.

I woke up in an ambulance. It was so chaotic for such a small space. I was trying to move, but the paramedics were holding me down. My ears were ringing and my vision was participial gone. I could feel droll running down my cheek. They had just taken the oxygen mask off me and that's when I saw Adam. I asked him what happened, and he just cried. "I want to go home, I want to see him", I demanded. Adam cried even harder. "I'm fine, why are you crying?" I yelled. I was getting so angry. "Adam, I want to go home! Take me home, NOW!" All I wanted was to be with him. He almost killed me, and he was all I could think about, all I wanted was him. It was killing Adam, I could see it in his eyes.

I was in so much pain. I wish that I had died. Why did they have to revive me, why couldn't they just let it all come to an end. I couldn't comprehend how I went from pure ecstasy to feeling some of the worse pain I have ever experienced in my life in a matter of a few moments.

They put me in ICU. I noticed Adam was talking to a nurse. He looked in the room at me with teary eyes then looked back at the nurse quickly. I tried to read his lips so I could figure out what was going on, but it was useless. A few moments later they both came in the room. "I think they are going to keep you here for a while" he said. My eyes widened and jaw dropped as I shook my head no. He continued "It's for the best...", then I just tuned him out. How could he do this to me, it's not for the best, I can't be left her alone, it'll kill me! I need to go home, I need to be with him.

The next few days I was in the hospital were completely horrid. I hated it and just wanted to leave. I couldn't stand all the pain I was in. I'd rather die than be there a second longer. They kept trying to give me pills and other medication, telling me that they would make me feel better, but they didn't. Nothing could make me feel better and nothing would help ease this excruciating pain I was in but him. He always made me feel better, no matter what, he fixed me.