Sick, Sad Lies: Chapter Two

After class I go straight to my dorm room and throw myself on to my bed. Just laying there staring at the ceiling for a while thinking about all the work I have piling up. “I really need to do something” I think to myself, trying to figure out what assignments are due first. I then remember that I left my Woman’s Studies book in Calvin's room the other day when we were doing the reading for tomorrow's class, so I decided to stop over and meet their new roommate. I just barged into their room, like always, and he was the only one there. He stopped playing his game and just kind of stared at me with this pathetic, stupid, confused look on his face, it was priceless. “Oh, umm, hi. Is Calvin around? I left my book over here?” “He's sleeping, but I don't think he'll mind if you go in to grab it” he replies. “Well he better not, because I need it” I said as I walk into their room. As I come back out I sit on the couch and ask him if he cares if I stick around till Josh and Danielle get back. “ It's fine” he says awkwardly, “they should be back soon, they ran over to the student center to grab food or something.” I pull out my phone, “So what's your name?”. “Cooper” he replies, still awkward as fuck. I send a text to Josh telling him to hurry the fuck up since I'm awkwardly sitting here with his new roommate. “What's yours?” “Alexa” I reply. He gets this stupid little smile on his face, “That's a cute name, do you wanna play Portal till they come back?” “Ehhh, yea, sure, It's not like I was going to do any work tonight anyways.”

We started chatting and really started to click. We liked a lot of the same things despite the fact it seemed like we came from different parts of the universe. He was all about video games, which was kind of cool, as where I'm all about music. But we still had the same taste in both. “So I kinda live here by the way.” I say during a level change. “I think I'll be okay with that” he says more comfortably. Josh and Danielle finally came back. “GOD ALEXA! STOP HARASSING HIM! I DON'T NEED YOU SCARING ANOTHER ROOM MATE AWAY!!” Josh yells. “Haha, yea, I totally forgot that I tried to sacrifice what's his face to the devil.” I sarcastically reply. “Why do you think Shaun is never here?” he jokes. “Want to to Co Fair, I need to get cigarettes”. I open my pack and realize I only have two left, “Yea, I'm not gonna make it through the night if I don't, I just need to run to my room and grab some money.” “Kay, well meet you outside, don't take all week” Josh replied. “I'll try to only take three days, is that cool?” I say as the three of us walk out of the room. After I grabbed my wallet I realized that my jacket wasn't in my room and assumed I left it in Josh's room. I barged back into his room and Cooper said “back so soon? Did you miss me kicking your ass?” “One” I respond “there is no ass kicking in Portal because we were a team, and two, I think I left my jacket here.” “Wow, your book AND your jacket? You really do live here.” “Haha, I told you so!” I grabbed my jacket and as I go to leave Josh's bed room Cooper is standing by the door. “Ummm,” he skidishly asks “could I get your number?” Not thinking anything of it I give him my number and walk out.

Not even a miniature after leaving the building my phone goes off. It's Cooper. We make small talk, which I find weird as hell since I almost never text like that unless I'm talking to people back home. Then he says that he wanted to come with us, when I asked why he didn't he said that he felt weird inviting himself. I told him that it wouldn't have mattered but he seemed convinced other wise. Danielle asked who I was texting, when I said that it was Cooper Josh blurted “I don't even have his number yet and I live with the damn kid! When I asked if he wanted to trade numbers he said yea then never gave me his!” “Well, do you want it?” I replied. “No!” he said angrily while laughing a bit.

Cooper didn't text back for a couple minutes, so I just thought the conversation was over. But then he sent me a text reading “So, it was really hard for me to ask you for your number.” “haha, you did seem a bit weird about it, why though?” I replied. I'm actually starting to get curious as to what he is going to say next, it feel like time was going so slow and like I was waiting hours for a response. Then finally he responds with “Well, you're really cute, and I was afraid that you would say no.” A smile arose on my face. “Holy shit, he thinks I'm cute. Why am I so happy about this? Well, he is really adorable in a nerdy kind of way” I think to myself. I try to wipe the smile off my face before Danielle or Josh notice and make a stupid ass remark as I text him back saying “hehe, no I'm not. But you on the other hand are extremely adorable :)” I can't explain the how I'm feeling. I'm so goddamn happy and I can't understand why. I never get like this. Well, sometimes, but not often. But this, this is so different, I don't think that I have ever felt this eternally and legitimately happy. I Find myself actually thinking about what to say and how he is going to respond. I'm totally girling out right now. My phone vibrates in my pocket and I feel my heart begin to race. “Stop it!!!” I yell at myself, “You just met this kid! Stop it! Stop it!! STOP IT!!!” I open the text and it reads: “So, do you want to hang out? Like, get to know each other better and stuff?” I can't seem to shake this feeling, and it seems to be getting stronger with every text we exchange, I'm so pathetic. “Don't do it Alexa!” I say to myself. But my fingers had something else in mind as they typed “That sounds doable :)”. “FUCK!” I think to myself, what am I doing. I can't be having feelings for someone I literally just met, I'm fucked up. He's Josh and Calvin's roommate, what if something happens, that'll be way to awkward, I can't do this. “How about when you get back from the store?” he says. “I'm actually kind of beat and am probably going to pass out as soon as I get back to my room, tomorrow? You can come to breakfast with us. :)” I take a deep breath and congratulate myself. “You don't think it'll be weird?” he responds. “No, why would it be weird?” I ask. “I dunno, I just feel like I would be intruding.” “It'll be fine, don't worry, you're more than welcome to our little group :)” I reassure him. “okay then :) So I guess I'll talk to you tomorrow?” he asked. “Okay, but if you don't mind me randomly passing out on you we can talk till then.” I say. “I like that idea better, I don't mind.” So we continued to talk.

When we arrive back to our building I tell them I'm gonna call it a night. “Awwwe,” Danielle says “breakfast tomorrow?” “As always!” I respond “do either of you mind if Cooper comes? Cuz I kind of already asked him.” Damn, there is that fucking smile again. “Awe, Alexa has a crush!” says Josh. “Shut up! No I don't!” I yell defensively. “Of course not, and yea, he can come, seeing as how I'm not going to make you uninvite him.” “Good” I say as I start to walk into the building, “I'll catch ya guys then”.

I'm walking out of the stairwell I fell the building start violently shaking. Looking around confused and conserned I notice that the people in the common room seem unfased. As I'm walking down my wing I hear faint voices, but as I turn around to see who is there I quickly realize that I'm the only one in the hall. “You're just being paranoid” I say to myself, “you're fine.” I reach into my pockets to get my keys and the feel like jelly, it's as if they are just sliding through the gaps in my fingers. I finially pull them out and as I'm looking for the right key my hands tense up and the keys do a little dance in my hands as the fall to the ground. Flustered, I pick them up as quickly as possiable and open the door. “Okay”, I think as I try to catch my breath, “that was fucking weird, but I'm home now, I'm fine.”, I reassure myself, “Everything is okay and you are completely sane.”

I turn on some music as I prepare myself to get some much needed rest. I figured that tea might help me relax, but with so many to choose from put me into a slight panic for some reason, you can say I'm a bit of an addict. “Honey Vanilla Comomille, that always does the trick” I think to myslef as I put my cup into the microwave. I take a few deep breaths trying to compose my self from this maddening and eerie day. I just can't stop reliving both of those incomprehensable events that happened, they were just so helter-skelter and unnatural, I can't even being to process them. “Just, how? And why?” I wonder to myself. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before. I'm starting to become reluctlant and want to deny that they even happened. “Whatever”, I visulize normalicy, “it's over and done with, this day is over, that shit is over, and that's all that matters. I am here and this is now.” I take one more deep breath before getting my tea and taking it into my room.

After laying in darkness and finishing my second cup of tea I decisively commit myself to another sleepless night, and with butterflies still remaining in my stomach and possiably in my heart, as much as I hate to admit it, I reach for my phone and text Cooper. “Whatcha doing?” He replies almost instantly, “Playing Zelda, what about you?”. A smile starts to arise across my face, “Listening to music, I can't sleep :/ I'm thinking a smoke break might help” I reply. “I'll come out with you, just let me put shoes on” he texts back. Even though he doesn't smoke, I'm too excited to see him again to question his text and just reply with “Mmmkay, I'll meet you out back :)”. I put jeans and a hoddie on and leave through the fire exit.

The moment I walk out the door I already see him sitting on the bench waiting for me. “God, he's so freaking adorable” I start to freak out a little, “Act cool, relax, breath”, I have to repeate to myself. I see him smile and the butterflies come back. “So Mr. Non-smoker, why did you decide to leave the comfort of your Xbox for this?” I ask. “Eh,” he sheepishly says, “I though some fresh air would be good for me.” He paused for a moment then continued with “And maybe I wanted to see you a little bit.” It feels like my heart plummeted to the ground, I am completely captivated by his every word an movement. “Well, I...ummm” I take a hit of my cigarette and tell myself to stop being a little bitch, “I don't think I'm going to be going to sleep anytime soon, so if you want to hang out for a while or something we probably could.” He gets a corny little smile and shakes his head. “Want to like, walk around campus or something?” I suggest. “We could, but I'll need to put on warmer clothes, I'm freezing” he responds. “Pssssht, what ever lame!” I respond as I jokingly punch his arm. “Or...or...we could watch a movie or something” he says slightly nervious, as if I would turn him down. “He would have to be dumb to think I'd say no, can't he tell I'm totally fucking into him?” I wonder to myself. “Yea,” I giggle slightly, “that would be cool, I don't really have a big movie selection though”. “You have an Xbox right?” he asks quickly. “Of course”, I laugh. “With live?” he asks. “Who the fuck do you think I am?! Of course I fucking have live!” I yell jokinly. “Well, I have a Netflix account, so we can just find something on there” he explained. I smile as I put out my cigarette and opend the door.

He passes the stairwell and scans his card to get into the building. “Look as you Mr. Lazy ass, taking the elevator and shit” I say, he just laughs as we both get on the elevator and and presses the button for our floor. Good thing it's a short ride, because we were both silent which made it a relatively tense ride. He exited first and goes to the door to get into my wing, as I look at him slightly confused he gives me a reassuring smile and lets me lead the way to my room. With both of us still silent I start thinking about how nervous I was, my room was a hell hole, people shouldn't be in there, I wouldn't have agreed to this if I knew he wanted to go to my room, “FUCK!” my mind beging to freak out, I feel like it's on the verge of explodeing while thinking about all the possiabilities. What's he going to say about the mess? Why did he want to come to my place, not his? What the fuck is going on?!? I take a deep, yet silent breath to calm myself and contain my thoughts that are making me a horrid combination of confused and nervous and say “Oh, by the way, my room may be a little bit messy”. “I'm sure it's fine” he tries to reassure me. “Oh, no, no it's not, I don't think you..” I try to explain as hei cuts me off by stating “It's fine.” “Alright” I sigh.

Sick, Sad Lies: Chapter One

Sound becomes dull, ears ringing, can't breath, everything is fading to black, growing weaker and fighting not to buckle at the knees. "What the piss is happening to me?". I'm looking around, freaking out. I don't know what to do. And then, then it all starts to fade back to normal as I jump back into reality.

"Alexa?" I look around, I forgot where I was, what I was doing? "Alexa!?". It’s the barista. I was at the campus coffee shop. "When the hell did I get here" I think to myself as a grab my coffee and scramble out the door. I was almost scared to try it, I didn't remember going there, god only knows what I decided ordered. mmmm, pumpkin spice. I made a good decision, for once. Anything that has to do with caffeine is the only thing I can make good decisions about.

I get back to the building and there's someone out side. "Fuck, I'm so not ready to interact with people". Despite the fact I've known this kid for months I can't remember his name to save my life. "James? No. Frank? for fucks sake, who the hell names their kid Frank! Paul? Maybe...no, no, it's not Paul. It's some god awful generic name like that. I mean, he looks like he has a generic name. Maybe if I call him Joy Division he'll just accept it." See, Joy Division, as I'm calling him, likes to talk to me about older Punk music. It’s cool, I've made most of my friends here by smoking and talking about music. I can tell by the look on his face that he wants to talk, he looks so lonely and pathetic standing outside alone. God, I should have went to the other entrance, no one is ever there. He hands me a cigarette. "Thanks man, I needed this" I say to him. "I could tell" he responds. "Thanks for saying I look like shit" I chuckle. "No, it's not that at all, it's just.." he pauses "have you checked out those bands yet?". I sigh "Not yet, I've been swamped with work" a lie, "but I promise, I'll check them out soon" possibly another lie. He flicks his cigarette, "I'll catch you later?" he says as he turns towards the door. "Yeah, and thanks again for the smoke." I finish my cigarette and head to my dorm room.

The elevator door was open, despite the fact I'm only on the second floor I decided to take this opportunity because of my little incident at the coffee shop. Right as the door is about to close someone jumps in.

"Hey lazy fuck, I thought you never took the elevator." It's my buddy Rob from the sixth floor.
"Shut up faggot, it's been a rough day"
"Rough day?!? it's 8 am!"
"Yea, my day started at like 6 yesterday."
"Oh, I gotcha. We're you with Jesse last night?" he says winking at me.
"For the last time, we aren’t fucking!"

"Not what I meant" he says as the door opens.

I clear my throat. "well, ummm, FUCK YOU!" I scream as a press all the buttons and walk away. My roommate Natile is sitting on the couch in the common area. "I'm so glad you're here! I left my card in my room!" I don't say a word as I swipe us in to our wing. It's not that I hate her, we are just nothing alike. None of my roommates are anything like me, I'll never understand how I got matched up with them. Luckily, we have a quad. Four separate rooms, two bathrooms, a common area, and an eat in kitchen kind of thing. Natile and I are on once side, Emily and Katie are on the other. I feel so bad for Nat. Well, I feel so bad for all of them, or maybe they fell bad for me.

I have room B. There are three post it notes under the B on my door. An "A", "M", and "F". BAMF. Bad ass mother fucker, that's me. My door, lined with caution tape My buddy Blaze and I stole from when they were doing construction in our court yard, or what ever the hell it is called. The caution tape also lines the trim of my room where the walls and ceilings meet. My walls are no longer white, they are plastered with posters, pictures I ripped out of magazine, lyrics, post its, and drawings, both of my own creation and ones from my friends. My curtains were black to keep the sun out, "You Lost The Game" was written on my window, random scribbles and drawings covered my mirrors making them nothing more than reflective write on boards. My bed was ripped to shreds, the light fixture was torn off so I could replace the bulb with a black light, my floor, obscured by clothes, books, garbage, and everything, just everywhere. And of course there was my sick ass Sony stereo system my roommates loved ever so much. I tell everyone that my room is organized with chaos so I seem less like a poor disgusting excuse for a human being. If I did not scare the shit out of my room mates enough myself, my room sure as hell helped.

Although I never really saw Katie or Emily's rooms, I know they were nothing like mine, with an exception of me and Emily having the same bed sets. So Natile's room, haha, now that was a sight. One time Rob was over and asked if my roommates were five year olds, no lie. But just imagine a stereotypical five year old girl's room. Princesses, Disney, butterflies, pink, glittery. That was her room. In fact, that was her. Full of oh gosh's, oh my goodness', and she was over apologetic. I don't think she even knew what shit, fuck, or piss was. Hell, she probably still though dick was just short for Richard. Purely nauseating, at least to me, and possibly eighty percent of the population between the ages of fourteen and forty.

I go into my room and plug my zune into my stereo. I decided to turn the volume down a bit since I knew Nat was here. I open my laptop with all intentions of starting my English paper due in a few days, but instead Facebook popped up and I find that more interesting, despite the face my paper was just a simple 'How To' essay. Our professor was awesome as all hell and always let us pick the actual topic to write about. My how to paper was “How to Survive a Hardcore Concert”. At first he questioned the topic, but once I gave him that 'bitch please look' and told him I've been to a lot of concerts he let me write about it. I'm scrolling through my news feed and I hear my phone go off. It's Danielle. “Noms?” the text read. I figured that it was probably a good idea to get food in my system so I told her to meet me outside my building in five minutes. She replied saying that she was at Josh's, her boyfriend and one of my really close friends, and to just come over there.He lived right down the hall from me, and ever since we met I've practically lived there. His roommate Calvin is literally the reason I know everyone I know here. I like to play one of those sixth degrees of separation games when I'm bored to trace everyone I know back to him. It's kinda weird and mildly entertaining.

As I get to Josh's room I scratch at the door and start to meow, I do this a lot, sadly. He replies with “Get the fuck outta here! Cats are stupid little shits!!” and I hear Danielle say “I love kitties! Can we please keep it? PLEEEEEEEEASE????”. They come out of the room and we walk over to Van, the Dining hall. Their food is really hit or miss. More miss that hit. You kind of have to know what to eat and what to avoid, it's weird. But seriously, when is buffet style food ever good?

We all get to our table, and despite the fact there is only three of us we always sit at the same table that is made for eight. We normally have more people with us when we come for lunch or dinner, plus, there is literally only like eight other people here for breakfast every day. Josh tells me that his roommate Calvin found a new roommate since his old one was a homophobe and moved out. Josh and Calvin's room was basically the same set up as mine, except they had two rooms, with two people in each, instead of four individual rooms. Josh and Shaun shared one, but Shaun was almost never there because he stayed with his girlfriend who I think lived in an apartment off campus, so Josh pretty much had the room to himself. Shaun had this huge ass TV that he let Josh use since he was never there. “Is he gay?” I asked. “Why would he be gay?” says Josh. “I don't know, it would just be kind of convenient for him to have a fuck buddy living with him.” I replied. Danielle interjects “Well, knowing Calvin he probably is”. “He's moving in today after his classes, wanna help?” Josh adds. “I have a class from 6:30 till 9, so I probably can't” I respond. “It's all good” Josh says, “wanna stop by after and we can all chill?”. “If I'm not a zombie I will.”